It Won’t Always Be This Way


Pregnancy:  We are so excited to see those two pink lines on that stick!  But, as the months go on, the morning sickness settles in.  The last few months, it gets harder to get off the couch and my feet swell so much, I have can only fit in slippers.  The gynecologist visits become more frequent and more uncomfortable.  Friends assure me, “Baby will be here soon.  It won’t always be this way.”

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quit motherhood header image

5 Reasons I Want to Quit Motherhood (Sometimes)

Some days I wish motherhood came equipped with a big red EJECT button.  Like when things get hairy, I could just mash that sucker and watch the flaming wreckage of my crappy day plummet back to Earth while I drift ever so gently down to—well, probably down to the general vicinity of the crash site, to fix everyone snacks and collect their charred laundry.  Because I’m a mom.

It goes without saying that I love my family more than anything, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t days where I’m not frantically searching for that big red button, a parachute, or one of those bus-pull-cord-thingies—something to get me off this crazy ride.

Motherhood and I don’t always get along, and here are 5 reasons why:

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It's Not Mine

It’s Not Mine – OPA Chat Archive

Monte:  Someone in this office has issues.

Me:  What?

Monte:  So at least once per week for the past few weeks I’ve gone into the men’s room and found a ginormous dump in one of the stalls.  In my stall!

Me:  You have a stall?

Monte:  Yeah, so.  And somebody keeps wrecking it.  Like poop sticking up above the water line.  What is wrong with people?  Are you 8-years-old?  How do you just forget something like that?  FLUSH THE TOILET!

Me:  He probably doesn’t want to clog it.

Monte:  I flushed it.  I always flush it.  It’s one of those toilets that flushes so hard it splashes water on the floor.  I flushed it like 6 times and it still didn’t go down.  Also, there was no paper in the bowl.  So somewhere around here is a guy who just took a King Kong size dump, didn’t wipe, and didn’t flush.  Who does that?  If the building was on fire I could still manage those 2 things.

Me:  That’s disgusting.  I wouldn’t have even bothered with that.

Monte:  It was stinking up the whole place.  I can understand once, but this person has problems.  There’s only so many guys on this floor, and I know it’s someone here, because it happens way too often.  I better not find out it’s one of those guys from sales coming down here to blow up our men’s room, or it’s on.  I was trying to flush that junk when someone walked in.  It smelled like an outhouse in there.  I just walked away and was like, “It’s not mine.”

Me:  You’re so weird.

Filed under OPA Chat Archive

Featured image credit:  Shawn Clover via Flickr

lego emmet

Become a Master Builder – 5 Essential Strategies for Building Legos With Your Kids

Let’s get one thing out of the way right now.  I always have, and always will refer to little plastic bricks of Danish origin, as Legos.  If that word gets your leather shorts in a bunch like it does everyone at LEGO headquarters, we probably can’t be friends.  Are leather shorts in Denmark even a thing?  Maybe that’s Germany.  What’s Denmark?  Clogs? Vikings??


Look, I’m all for some healthy nerd rage from time to time, but I’ll be in big trouble if I start a flame war on my very first post, so take that mess somewhere else.  Here at OPA we play with Legos.  Like it or lump it.

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Soaked at the Salon – a Tale of Mother-Daughter Bonding


I love One.  She is fun, outgoing, and sweet all around.  I love our one on one time together.  Sometimes we’ll catch a movie and dinner.  Even going to the grocery by ourselves and picking out a few toys is fun.  So when it’s time to get our hair done, I always think, “This will be another great opportunity to spend some time with One.”  But each time, I’ve proved myself wrong.

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Soap Bandits – OPA Chat Archive

Sometimes I miss our apartment.  I miss the simplicity of that chapter in our lives – a time before I was concerned with things like property taxes and how frequently others in the house were pooping.  Each time one of us sells an organ to bankroll a major home repair, I look back through a thick haze of rosy retrospection, to that little brick four-family apartment building we called home.

And then the reality I temporarily cast aside on my trip down memory lane comes full circle and whacks me in the back of the head.

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Introducing the OPA Chat Archive

My husband and I use instant messenger.

A lot.

We’ve even been known to IM each other while at home together.  In the same room.  On the same piece of furniture.

Seriously, we might have a bit of a problem.

Before you judge, there are actually quite a few situations where this is preferable to talking – tiny ears in the room being one.  Also wanting to show you this amazing video but being too tired to move.  IM is a parent’s dream.  Now if only it could pour me a drink. . .

Since I’ve been home the past 6+ years with kiddos, and Monte’s job always involves a computer, we’ve amassed a pretty impressive backlog of chat sessions.  Most are decidedly uninteresting, but occasionally I pull out a real gem.

I’ll be sharing some of the more amusing ones here, so be sure to check back often and enjoy a few laughs at our expense!